I offer coaching services as well.  I too have offered life advice set in the foreground of flowing water, rocks and mountain peaks, accompanied by appropriate hashtags to garner more ‘likes’.  Many people I love dearly are amazing coaches and teachers who do important and deeply transformative work.  Yet, I wonder if inadvertently we are contributing to the collective unconscious, while sincerely trying to help. 

I believe it is important to ask where the need for ‘self-help’; for coaching; for therapy arises from.  Is it a product of our collective self-hatred; of the idea that we need to be ‘fixed’ to be loved?  Is it arising from our drive for perfection – an addiction to constantly doing something about our perceived flaws?  Is it an attempted escape from our deep collective pain? 

On the other side of the equation, for coaches and other helping professionals, isn’t it a bit of an ego trip?  Doesn’t it feel good to know that we’ve figured something out; that we have followers and students?  Isn’t validating that someone is willing to pay us for our advice or at least to click ‘like’?   

We live in an amazing age – all sorts of tools, teachers, guides and advice is easily available to us.  And, just about anyone can easily offer her/his wisdom in whatever discipline.  This is wonderful, I believe, as long we begin with asking the question ‘why?’.  Why are we seeking advice?  And, why are we offering it? 

If we begin with the idea that something is wrong – with us; the world; and with other people; and that someone can and needs to offer a fix, we are on a very violent path, regardless of how many Buddha images adorn our Instagram feed.  This is a violent path because inherent to it is the idea of separation – of ‘us and them’, ‘us vs. them’ and ‘world vs. us.’

If, however, for even a moment we can tune in and realize that we are indivisible waves of the ocean of intelligence that is this Universe; that nothing is wrong; nothing needs to be fixed; that we don’t need anyone or anything; and that we cannot ever understand life, but can only experience it; then we can expand and grow.  Coaches, teachers and guides of all stripes can then give up ‘helping’ and ‘fixing’ and instead can serve to give fully to life.  And then, relationships between students and teachers (regardless of their title) become sacred connections of service, growth and infinite expansion. 

Meanwhile, did I mention that I offer coaching services?  You can also see inspiring sayings and pretty pictures on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter feeds.  However, I am not able to help anyone.  I would like to serve.     

The post No More Help! appeared first on Living Peace Institute.

Ironically, this view is at the very source of our suffering in conflict, if not conflict itself. At the core of this view is an idea, a story that “we” are somehow different from “them.”

We generally tell this story of separation in four different but highly interwoven ways.

First story of separation is our identity. We identify as Muslims, Jews, Sunnies, Shiates; as British, American, Dutch, Indian or African; as black or white; as police officers, mothers, lawyers, psychologists or yogis; as Smiths, Johns or Vandebilts. In identifying that way, we believe (quite firmly) that these labels, roles and conditions describe who we are.

Closely related to our story of identity is the story of comparison. The moment we identify as (fill in the blank), we compare ourselves with others, immediately seeing ourselves as “better than” or “worse than” a person or people who identify themselves differently from us.

The third story of separation is the story of judgment. We believe there is a “right” way and a “wrong” one. And, if someone does not confirm to our idea of what should be, they are wrong (and we are right).

Finally, (and connected to our story of judgment) is the story of expectation. Expectation is our idea of how things (and especially people) should be.

These four powerful and connected stories build a strong wall around us. In fact, four connected walls, as these are, form a box. So, we view other people (just as they view us) not as beings but as things.

How do we know that these walls, that seem so real are just arbitrary stories and are not who we are? We know because we are not born with these walls. A baby does not come out of the womb proudly declaring that she is a lawyer. Nor does a child compare himself to others (thinking that he is better or worse than someone else) until he is conditioned to do that by the people that surround him. Likewise, we learn to judge ourselves and others and acquire expectations from our conditioning and the outside world. And, as we move through life, our identities, comparisons, judgments and expectations change. So, can we really be something that we acquire; something that changes based on our conditioning and experience?

If we are not our identities, comparisons, judgments and expectations, who or what is behind these walls? Behind these walls is our humanity – our need to connect with each other; our ability to feel; our experiences of joy, sadness, fear, pain and love. It is only by connecting with these universally human expressions that we can dis-solve conflict. And, by starting by experiencing and expressing our own humanity, we start by dis-solving conflict where it truly matters, within each and every one of us.

Building walls is never the answer to any problem. And, building bridges is not an antidote to building walls. Both are an expression of separation. The key is seeing beyond the walls (and bridges) and realizing that both are just thoughts and ideas we’ve learned. Just like we’ve learned them, we can unlearn and evolve and see what’s beneath and beyond.

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